Sunday, December 18, 2011

A Married Man's Guide to Christmas

English: Christmas Time at Glendale Shopping M...Image via WikipediaBy now, most of you know that I am married and have a special needs child, so I am both a husband and a father.  While I am both of those things, I am first and foremost a guy.  As a guy, I typically enjoy guy humor, especially when it come to the subject of marriage.

One of my favorite "guy" books of humor was Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys.  It is a laugh out loud book about guys because there is so much he describes that I can relate to.  For example, in the men's room there are certain rules.  If you enter the men's room and see a series of urinals you take one on the end of the series.  If another guy is using a urinal, you go to the opposite end of the urinals.  If by chance you have to take one next to another guy, you stare straight ahead, and by all means you do not talk, unless it is a comment about how cold or deep the water is.

I was in the mood to read something a little lighthearted and holiday related.  I found A Married Man's Guide to Christmas written by Robert Henry.  In this tour de force, Henry tackles all of the thoughts, feeling, and fears of the typical married man faces as he approaches the holiday season.  There are all the household projects that have to be completed because the wife requires the perfect Christmas decor as seen in the holiday magazines.

In addition to the hazards of decorating the outside of the home, Henry talks about the married man's fears in heading out to the mall to find the right gifts for the little missus, in spite of all her hints.  There is frequent discussion of the need of large quantities of alcohol in dealing with the holiday season.  Even more alcohol is needed when dealing with all of the family members on both sides of the family that you would never want to see outside of the holidays.

I found  myself laughing out loud at several spots in the book because so much of it is true.  When describing why he always says he doesn't want anything for Christmas, here is his response.
You see, the problem is...I'm a guy.  We are by nature low-present-maintenance creatures.  We haven't worn the clothes we got last year because when we reached into the drawer, they weren't on top.  And we can't figure any reason to dig lower because, frankly, we  didn't care about what we were wearing in the first place.
I can really relate to this because this is my philosophy for deciding what I will wear each day.  If it is on top of the clean pile, that's what I put on.

One of my pet peeves in life is people who wear to much cologne.  In the chapter in dealing with those relatives that you would rather not see, but must during the holidays, Henry has this to say about one particular in-law:
Fred needs to die.  I suggest drowning him in cologne, an act for which he has provided a substantial head start.
A punishment that several people I know needs to have inflicted upon them.

All in all though, Henry says that despite all these things, us guys love Christmas.  In spite of all the travails of the season, we wouldn't change a thing.  We can take some comfort that millions of married men are going through the same things as we all are.  The book itself is very short, and was literally laugh out load funny.  It was a very enjoyable break from the stress and strain of the holiday season and daily life.
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  1. I love that cologne quote. What I want to know is why all the people who feel like bathing can be replaced by cologne seem to follow me onto elevators?

    I love Dave Barry as well and I think I have read that book.

    Good stuff!

    Verification word "patiote" which the iPad thinks is Patio The, because that makes way more sense.

  2. Sounds like a really fun read. I know I'm not a guy, but I relate to SO much of that.



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